The holiday season is probably one of the most stressful times of the year, and this is especially true with Filipinos. Between the balikbayans coming back to visit, the parents ruining your plans by changing their minds last minute, and that annoying tita who can’t help but comment on your weight gain or loss, at times it feels easier to just stay indoors until after new year’s.
Not to worry. While you face the pressure of finding the perfect Christmas gifts, attending every Christmas party and themed clan reunions, whilst gritting your teeth and trying to avoid telling your relatives how you really think about their Facebook posts, you can also keep these expert-backed mental health tips on hand to help you get through the holidays without turning into the grinch that stole Christmas.
Keep a running tally of how often you say you “should” do certain traditions, then consider not doing them
“People often feel internal pressure about things they ‘should’ do for holidays,” says Ryan Howes, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif. The holiday season, especially, can hold us captive, because of pressure from family, friends, or the culture you grew up with. Pay attention to how often you say the s-word. If you catch youself saying, “I should complete simbang gabi even if I fall asleep in church from exhaustion because all my friends are doing it,” take a minute and ask yourself, “What do I really want?”
Obviously, there are some traditions that are non-negotiable, like visiting extended family. Just keep in mind that when you feel like any holiday customs have started to feel like joyless obligations, there’s no shame in dropping them or trying to do something else that makes them more enjoyable. Maybe instead of ringing in the new year indoors by yourself with a sparkler, you can welcome 2018 at a fancy hotel party meeting new people instead.
Pick three must-have holiday experiences rather than trying to do it all
This is especially common with balikbayans who try to see as many people as possible before they have to fly off again for the rest of the year. Setting unrealistic expectations for how much you’ll be able to squeeze in is one of the biggest holiday stressors, says clinical psychologist Vaile Wright, Ph.D., director of research and special projects at the American Psychological Association.
Stop saying yes to everyone and trying to make 234,234 different types of magic happen. Instead, make a list of three holiday experiences you want to experience. Maybe its making sure you go to your high school reunion’s annual Christmas party, taking the weekend to spend with your family out of town, and taking the time to make leche flan for the clan for dinner. Once your have your priority experiences set, everything else you do is considered a bonus.
Make a ‘Ban Holiday Stress’ playlist, then keep it ready to go on your phone
If the the endless traveling, catching up, and holiday party small talk are draining your resources (and sanity), give yourself permission to tap out when you need to. One great tool to help with this: a zone-out playlist made up of songs that can either energize you or calm you down, depending on what you need.
Just getting some peace with your thoughts, and some awesome tunes, may be enough to recharge you to dive back into the fray. “More often than not, other people aren’t going to notice what you’re doing,” Wright says. “It’s OK to take a break.” This is also a great way to get away from that aunt who can’t stop insinuating about how your cousin is so much better at adulting than you.
Identify a time when everything went wrong but you still had the most fun
The holiday season can be especially anxiety-inducing because there’s an expectation to live up to incredible old memories and create epic new ones every time. “We set a high bar for ourselves, but forced good times rarely work,” Howes says.
Before you host a holiday party, introduce your partner to the rest of your family, or do something else that you know is going to induce a mini panic attack, remember a time from your past when everything seemed like it was falling apart but you still had a hilarious, amazing time. I remember a time where I was at a Christmas party at a friend’s house and the power went out – we had the most amazing time hanging out in the garden with candles playing drunk charades (yes, it’s exactly what you think it is). There’s your reminder that everything doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be good.
Keep a deep breathing exercise on hand for when tita Baby asks why you’re still single
Stress can make you breathe faster, Wright says, while deep breathing can help you calm down instead of permanently marring tita Baby’s opinion of you with a rant on why being single is totally valid. And the cringe-worthy, “Uy, parang tumataba ka?”
The Mayo Clinic suggests inhaling deeply through your nose for long enough to fill your abdomen while focusing on making your stomach move with your breathing instead of your chest, then exhaling through your nose as well. You can also experiment with how long to breathe in and out based on what feels most calming, Wright says.
Schedule downtime like it’s a doctor’s appointment
“You might technically have a vacation from work, but trying to plan parties and buy gifts and make all these big meals can actually create a more stressful environment,” Howes says. Make appointments in your calendar that are really just meetings between you and your bed, you and every episode of Black Mirror, or you and whatever else it is you need to relax. Then stick to them the way you would stick to appointments with other people!