Growing up, we are exposed to the belief systems of our parents, extended family members, friends, school, and eventually the rest of society, and these principles that help us understand and define the world around us can also keep us trapped in the same limited ways of thinking that hinders us from moving forward and getting us to our next level. The funny thing about belief systems is they aren’t true because they aren’t based on facts. These are sayings or belief systems that have mindlessly been passed on from one generation to the next, being accepted as the gospel truth because we just didn’t know any better.
We as Filipinos have a few belief systems that I feel we need to acknowledge as limiting in order for us to let them go, but they have been so ingrained in our psyche that it may take a little work in order for us to do so. My favorite example of a limiting Pinoy belief system involves being scared of the dark. We were taught, as young children, to be scared of the darkness, so before we even walk into a dark room the first thing we do is fumble for the light switch, because the last thing we want to encounter is a mumu. And just to be certain, even with the lights on, we take a look around before going in to be sure said mumu isn’t around.
We may find some of our belief systems funny – I’m still amazed at how 50-year-olds still call imaginary monsters-under-the-beds as mumus – there are a few we’ve grown up with that are a lot more subtle that actually hinder our progress in life. What you believe determines your results, so here are 10 popular limiting Filipino belief systems that I want to shed some light on and how you can overcome them.
1. Money is the root of all evil. While this limiting belief systems isn’t just for Filipinos, it is such a predominant belief tied in with out Catholic faith, with the love of money condemned as sin, thanks to religious texts such as Ecclesiastes 5:10 and 1 Timothy 6:10. If you read the texts carefully, they don’t pertain money to be evil, but rather, greed. I like to believe that money is energy, and in order for you to attract more of it, you should develop a healthy relationship with it, and this includes tithing as well, because the more of it you give out to help your fellow man, the more comes back to you in return.
2. Kailangan mong mag hirap para sa pera/ Hindi madali kitain ang pera. Yet another limited belief system around money that isn’t just relegated to us Filipinos, but is commonly heard among families, especially when scolding children whose grades could use an improvement (we’ll get to that in a minute. Saying that one has to suffer for money attracts just that, and it can be a really hard cycle to get your head out of. In reality, it’s value that creates energy, which is why you don’t have to work hard, but work smart. How can you be of value to as many people as possible in a short amount of time? Answer that, and you’ve got your golden goose to creating a lot of money with the least amount of effort.
3. Getting good grades or being an honor student in school = Smart. When I moved to the Philippines from the UAE, I was in for quite the shock when it came to my education. I had never had to memorize so many names, dates, and places in my life! Not just that, but the gruelling routine of having to endure 10 hours in school and two more hours at the tutorial center did not motivate me to excel in my studies at all. Nowadays, more and more parents are aware of multiple intelligences – because you’re not as good in academics doesn’t meant you can’t be great in other areas in life. Smart kids are those who want to learn the most.
4. Kailangan mong makatapos sa pagaaral para maging successful. There is so much pressure to go to and finish university, and so much judgement for those who don’t graduate. A lot of the time, you probably didn’t even enroll for the course you really wanted and signed up for nursing, engineering, pre med, or accountancy because your parents wanted it more than you (and because they’re the ones paying for your tuition). Living in the digital age, skills are more valuable than a diploma. Employers now look to hire people who have multiple talents, and online certification courses from prestigious universities are readily available online.
5. We should be happy all the time. While we Pinoys are naturally optimistic, we have this habit of hiding or minimizing all our other feelings that we feel aren’t “positive,” or are told to stop being sad, put a smile on our face, and “be happy.” While I’m all for promoting happiness, this emotion isn’t attainable until you can fully appreciate the fullness of the human experience.
6. Wag ka munang mag boyfriend – mag aral ka muna. This may be a point of argument for a lot of parents, but hear me out. I got a lot of this growing up, and even through I was never interested on getting in a relationship in high school, the constant “reminding” got me curious about why I couldn’t have one instead of deterring me. Also, friends I know who followed this rule and didn’t even consider going out on dates until they graduated from uni turned out to be so socially awkward, not know ing how to interact with the opposite sex without some level of disdain. Allow your daughters to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex and don’t equate thriving in one aspect of life means they are bound to fail in another.
7. Your spouse/significant other should meet your needs. I blame the overly romanticized telenovelas and anime series with a pathetically useless female lead for propagating this limiting belief system of “May kulang sa akin na kailangan mong punuin,” Absolutely no. You are born whole and perfect as you are, and in no way do you need anyone to ‘complete you’. You’ve seen how Tom Cruise treats the women in his life, so don’t fall for the sham Jerry McGuire line. Find someone who can support you and make you want to be a better version of yourself instead.
8. English speaking > Tagalog. Tagalog is better than other dialects. I never fully understand this limiting belief system, since I didn’t grow up here and wasn’t exposed to the prejudice, but I find this to be pretty common, even in the corporate world. Even growing up, when dating men, some would apologize for their ‘Visayan accent’, and I’ve had a couple of friends in the coaching world who are also very self-conscious about how they pronounced their words. If you can speak English, Tagalog, Bisaya, or some other Filipino dialect, then I commend you on your being trilingual. Be proud of your accent, it reveals the richness of your roots.
9. Living somewhere else > Philippines / Marrying a foreigner > Filipino. This touches a raw nerve for me, since I grew up outside of the Philippines and have first-hand experience of getting advice that dating a foreigner is better than dating a Filipino… and that living in the US, Canada, or some other first world country is better than your own. I’d like to believe that life is what you make of it, and in the age of the internet, you don’t even need to leave the house to look for amazing opportunities that pay well. Also, Filipinos are known to be some of the most romantic, selfless men in the world – the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side.
10. Utang na loob sa magulang. This is probably going to rub people the wrong way, but it’s a cycle that affects generations and just needs to stop. “Dahil nag sakripisyo ang mga magulang mo na palakihin ka, dapat pagdating ng panahon, ikaw naman ang dapat sumustento sa kanila,” is the damaging limiting belief system that is still being propagated, even in the 21st century. This all comes down to taking responsibility for yourself and not giving your children the burden of having to do that for you. Diversify your streams of income as well as save and invest your hard earned cash into products that can beat inflation in the long run. The reason why money is such a touchy topic with Filipino households is because there is a lack due to not being educated on how to handle it when it comes in. Let your kids worry about raising and supporting their own family and stop the cycle of co-dependency before it’s too late.